Finally I returned here after these while.

Finally I'm back to blogger after these while. I didn't know will this be the last time I logged here.

I didn't know what to say. I found myself in not a good condition.

To my dearest bibi, dar sorry to you. I love you. Forgive me. I didn't know what to say. I found myself not responsible. If you read this please pretend you never read before. Dar recently has severe pain on heart. Please don't tell my family. I don't want them sad. I love them.

If one day I really gone, please help me transfer all my belongings to my dad. I don't want to talk a lot here.

Don't cry because I was smiling. I love you all. My life is not about giving up but I still belong to where am I.

We Will never forget YOU , Sa Chek!

Sa Chek , your departure was such a sadness for us . Do you know that I am still can't accept that you are no longer be with us . I never know you are such an important gentleman for me , after you left us , I realize that you are such a great hero! and also a great DAD to both of your children!

During your funeral , obviously we could read out what kind of people you are and how did you behave. Apparently you are not only a well-responsibly and hard-working dad , you are a lovely , sympathy and a guy who always lending your hand for those really need help. Your departure really shows us how important you are in this public.

Sa Chek , the thing that I really can remember you between us was when you trying to save my life when I was a child , without your might , maybe I already no longer in this world , thanks uncle! I love U!

Sa chek , I dunno how to help you , duno what I can do for you , the only I can do is I can promise try to fullfill what your sons wishing of. I will look after them and help them when they need help!

The moral values I've learnt from you is no matter how hard , we have to walked towards it , its worth even you failed because we did our very best! RESPECT! Rest In Peace! We Love You!

1 More thing! I will never end up a story with you without making a something for you , if this world has no justice , I'll never let him live happily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry

I know recently I did a lot of things that doesn't bring a good feelings to others , but it just abit hard to sound out. I', sorry , I knew that when the day I made an advance on my step , I knew that will happen . I don't know what to say , no point blaming here and there . I don't even know how elaborate all these things. I just could say sorry . =(

If you are still reading my blog, I just wanna tell you when the day I love you , I truly love you . I've been spending more than 600 days on doing so , I tot I'm going to last long , but I'm very scared , I m afraid that what I did will end up like an empty bottle .I'm sorry , I knew that when you didn't reply me.

I am seeking for your forgiveness , but I know that is so useless , I know it's hard to forgive , but I really don't know what to do beside apologizing . I'm so sorry . I am abit selfish . It was obviously all my faults . I have no intention to blame others.

I am still talking alone at this late night..

Sometimes we will never understand what happens around us. Some of things happen unexpectedly. I am so sad. I shall be grateful because got someone love me so much , but why? This question is to hard for me to figure out the answer. Why I could let go someone that I've been waiting for 635 days . I don't know whether I did hurt her or not? I really wanted to talk to her , I really wanted to explain but no point I'm doing that...

What happened already happened , but one thing I do really wanna know , have she ever like me? I know she is sad , she might upset because this is all normal , but I feel insecure because I don't feel she has any feeling for me , I'm so sorry , I'm real sorry to you , no point for saying what now , I just can wish she will find someone she love and someone do really better love her and able to give her a super duper better life like something I couldn't give her.

Whatever I having now might leave me if not mistaken , she wouldn't like me anymore but I am too pessimistic on some little case , perhaps she will never do that. I am such a failure , I'm not a guy , not a good guy as well, such a loser stupid idiot! What shall I do? I really need some direction from you GOD!

I think I understand what she wrote, my heart is SO PAIN!!!! Real PAin! why u treat me like this???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I am so love you! Why must you let this reshuffle my brain?! WHY!

If you ever check on my blog! I'm sorry~

I'm sorry to say this again , I don't mean to make things get awkward but we are really not going to end up with anything . I could understand the feelings but I really can't get onto this . I can't make you feel that pain because you are my friend , a good friend indeed.

Honestly , you belongs to someone much more better than me thousand times . He could be handsome , richer , talented and many many advantages more than I have . We are good friends even for now or even in future. I'm sorry because I really can't go on with this situation because I don't wish for options. The time I decided was 605 days ago. She is someone that I've been wishing for my future life. If only she willing to do so .

No matter how , we are still good friends. Sometimes friendship hold longer than we could expected.

Life?

Sun rises and the background of mine is so silent . Normal temperature and many of my neighbours are away from their home . This morning is so free till I could drop some of my words here. I've been working for company for over 10 months . Life is so busy and depressed everyday . Sometimes its fun but sometimes its not.

20 years old but I've been wasted much of my time on useless events and stuffs . I should know much about myself than other people . The day mum left me in this chaotic world , I know the smile of mine wouldn't be like last time anymore . Well life is about to go on , we cannot rely too much from parents , we must be able to fight for our future , for me , the worse situation is when someone ahead me , so must work on that so that no one could do that to me anymore .

Dad never care of my life , I don't know whether its a good thing or not but when I see other people does not appreciate the concern from their parents , I think I should appreciate my life now. Well , actually our life can be simple , just see whether we want to choose to be on it or not. Sometimes I admit I'm a little bit greedy because I want achieve something that I never be granted before.

Every family has their own problem , we might not understand their situation , but sometimes it could be worse than our expectation , well , sometimes I really my friends could life much better because whenever we be with them , of course we hope they are always smiling. That's why sometimes I crack jokes to make them laugh , hopefully they could catch my honesty because whenever you see your friend smile , it just like you just did a good deed. This post is very unnatural and random but I just trying to speak out what am I gonna say.

Speechless...

Mum , I miss U, you are my all time favourite and important person in my life , although we just being mummy and son for 19 years but I really appreciate everything you gave me, I'll always remember you . Mum , without you , my life isn't perfect any more, though you weren't beside us , but yet I can still feel your love to us. 

There is a big headache for me is my dad , apparently he never change since even you left us . I really have no idea what to say . Maybe I shall set a life for myself which he will never exist in that world . Mum , I'm so sorry to say this because I will never stay with a person who has no dignity or someone willing to do anything for the sake of himself . I'm sorry for thinking like that because in future I will have my own family , I do not hope my family got relation with something they don't deserved . I wish him could change but he keep on disappoint me... 

MUM , I MISS U badly !=(