I'm sorry

I know recently I did a lot of things that doesn't bring a good feelings to others , but it just abit hard to sound out. I', sorry , I knew that when the day I made an advance on my step , I knew that will happen . I don't know what to say , no point blaming here and there . I don't even know how elaborate all these things. I just could say sorry . =(

If you are still reading my blog, I just wanna tell you when the day I love you , I truly love you . I've been spending more than 600 days on doing so , I tot I'm going to last long , but I'm very scared , I m afraid that what I did will end up like an empty bottle .I'm sorry , I knew that when you didn't reply me.

I am seeking for your forgiveness , but I know that is so useless , I know it's hard to forgive , but I really don't know what to do beside apologizing . I'm so sorry . I am abit selfish . It was obviously all my faults . I have no intention to blame others.

I am still talking alone at this late night..

Sometimes we will never understand what happens around us. Some of things happen unexpectedly. I am so sad. I shall be grateful because got someone love me so much , but why? This question is to hard for me to figure out the answer. Why I could let go someone that I've been waiting for 635 days . I don't know whether I did hurt her or not? I really wanted to talk to her , I really wanted to explain but no point I'm doing that...

What happened already happened , but one thing I do really wanna know , have she ever like me? I know she is sad , she might upset because this is all normal , but I feel insecure because I don't feel she has any feeling for me , I'm so sorry , I'm real sorry to you , no point for saying what now , I just can wish she will find someone she love and someone do really better love her and able to give her a super duper better life like something I couldn't give her.

Whatever I having now might leave me if not mistaken , she wouldn't like me anymore but I am too pessimistic on some little case , perhaps she will never do that. I am such a failure , I'm not a guy , not a good guy as well, such a loser stupid idiot! What shall I do? I really need some direction from you GOD!

I think I understand what she wrote, my heart is SO PAIN!!!! Real PAin! why u treat me like this???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I am so love you! Why must you let this reshuffle my brain?! WHY!

If you ever check on my blog! I'm sorry~

I'm sorry to say this again , I don't mean to make things get awkward but we are really not going to end up with anything . I could understand the feelings but I really can't get onto this . I can't make you feel that pain because you are my friend , a good friend indeed.

Honestly , you belongs to someone much more better than me thousand times . He could be handsome , richer , talented and many many advantages more than I have . We are good friends even for now or even in future. I'm sorry because I really can't go on with this situation because I don't wish for options. The time I decided was 605 days ago. She is someone that I've been wishing for my future life. If only she willing to do so .

No matter how , we are still good friends. Sometimes friendship hold longer than we could expected.

Life?

Sun rises and the background of mine is so silent . Normal temperature and many of my neighbours are away from their home . This morning is so free till I could drop some of my words here. I've been working for company for over 10 months . Life is so busy and depressed everyday . Sometimes its fun but sometimes its not.

20 years old but I've been wasted much of my time on useless events and stuffs . I should know much about myself than other people . The day mum left me in this chaotic world , I know the smile of mine wouldn't be like last time anymore . Well life is about to go on , we cannot rely too much from parents , we must be able to fight for our future , for me , the worse situation is when someone ahead me , so must work on that so that no one could do that to me anymore .

Dad never care of my life , I don't know whether its a good thing or not but when I see other people does not appreciate the concern from their parents , I think I should appreciate my life now. Well , actually our life can be simple , just see whether we want to choose to be on it or not. Sometimes I admit I'm a little bit greedy because I want achieve something that I never be granted before.

Every family has their own problem , we might not understand their situation , but sometimes it could be worse than our expectation , well , sometimes I really my friends could life much better because whenever we be with them , of course we hope they are always smiling. That's why sometimes I crack jokes to make them laugh , hopefully they could catch my honesty because whenever you see your friend smile , it just like you just did a good deed. This post is very unnatural and random but I just trying to speak out what am I gonna say.

Speechless...

Mum , I miss U, you are my all time favourite and important person in my life , although we just being mummy and son for 19 years but I really appreciate everything you gave me, I'll always remember you . Mum , without you , my life isn't perfect any more, though you weren't beside us , but yet I can still feel your love to us. 

There is a big headache for me is my dad , apparently he never change since even you left us . I really have no idea what to say . Maybe I shall set a life for myself which he will never exist in that world . Mum , I'm so sorry to say this because I will never stay with a person who has no dignity or someone willing to do anything for the sake of himself . I'm sorry for thinking like that because in future I will have my own family , I do not hope my family got relation with something they don't deserved . I wish him could change but he keep on disappoint me... 

MUM , I MISS U badly !=(

after 515!

I've been hanging here for quite awhile before I started to press my keyboard... I was thinking whether should I express this feeling in this board or not... life is unpredictable...515 means the days that I've spent for someone , I didn't try or even show my 1% of interest on others , just stay the warmth on her...but today I have to decide something that I used not to change in my life...

Perhaps , I've thinking too much for all these while , but now I could realize that love its a matter of two persons , not just because of you loving her , everything can come to what you are expecting for...

I've been keeping that for a stupid reason , I've been tired of everything and tired of being someone else... I have to leave her , she's not mine , nothing I can do to be with her.. she's loving someone else.. I nees several days cure the pain of making this decision ...

If you ever seen this , I just can to tell you that I'm sorry , I have to do so because my love to you is 99.99% true... I will be someone better than today , don't worry..

Its been more than two MONths~`

Today is 13th of Dec 2010....
Its been more two months I didn't come back to this page....I have a lot of stuffs in my heart....

The first thing ofcuz about Mum...its been almost half year I didn't see her....but I could feel she is with me all the time....I can feel her advise , sound , love and care eventhough she's not around...My mum just too awesome...

2nd this is all about today....2 more days to take the last paperand I'll be free from that after this...maybe some of my friends no longer can be met...but they are awesome...I'll remember them forever ...

3rd...Bad luck today...My mobile start sick dy...have to send him to hosp later....hopfully the problem not really big...and NS...haih, whenever talking about this...head just like going to explode...better forget about it....

4th,I think I should congrats to myself and I think I'll be say goodbye to this world very soon...=)
last comment: I'm really sad and I really had enough with this world....